Okay so I'm due for a long blog post ahead. I don't know whether I should do like a whole year reflection by month Kindaf post or just sum up the whole of last year.

Wow, last year. That sounds odd even to my own ears. Can't believe a whole year has passed and it's already the year of the supposed apocalypse.

Anyway, away from all the end-of-the-world references I've got to say 2011 has been such a good year. Usually around this time I'm trying to finish off last minute homeworks or something. When I say or something I meant screwing it and hoping the teachers forgot about it. Or even wondering who I'm gonna sit with during recess or if like any more friendships will change this year. Well the start of 2011 was extremely different. For one, I wasn't going to school anymore! (Wow I make myself sound like I dropped out of school or something) I didn't btw, drop out of school I mean. I just... graduated. Yeah graduating from Temasek. It was, bittersweet to put it simply. Never really thought I would leave that place to be honest.

Got my results and I think-by my standards- I screwed it up bigtime. But I'm thankful enough to be able to get accepted into a course that I thought I was destined for. So it was goodbye Temasek Sec and hello Ngee Ann Poly!

I think this year I got a newfound acceptance of wearing the hijab. True I've been wearing it since I was a kid but it's never really been a "full-time" thing. I mean I wear when I go out, to madras and so on but in school I don't wear the hijab so it was quite a transition from wearing it for like only 10 hours a week to almost 10 hours a day. It wasn't awkward but to wear a hijab in an environment where no one else does it was pretty scary.

First ever poly experience was FOC: Freshman Orientaion Camp. Not knowing anyone (other than Jamie and Deborah) was scary and exhilarating. I'm glad during those 4 days I made a number of new friends, gained abit of trust and found somewhat of a family in NPSU. I swear I love the people there to bits. Being one of two kids there wearing the hijab I've got to say it's pretty awkward cause wearing a statement of religion like a hijab kindaf makes me stand out like a sore thumb. But Alhamdulillah I was accepted quite easily.

Second poly experience: FMS' FBC- Freshman Bonding Camp. Again, I was the only one in hijab and holy hell it scared me good. I just kept asking myself what if I'm forever gonna be the only one in hijab in this course, or even in the whole FMS Faculty? Made a few 'friends' but none of them really stuck you know? But it's alright for me.

When school started, it was wonderful albeit a wee bit awkward cause I didn't know anyone except from those from Temasek and the people I met through camps and such. To be honest it was pretty awkward with my classmates since I didn't really know anyone except for pinoy I mean Nat. Still remember the first lunch I had with Anna, Marie, Mel, Pearl and Venus. It was like on the day of Justin Bieber's concert and nat's birthday or something like that. Had such a wonderful time with them.

When lectures started it was pretty scary but overall I think it was a good semester. I thank God everyday for putting me in a class with such wonderful people and giving me The Sisterhood who I love to death. And even The Brotherhood of Those Ostracized by The Sisterhood of Travelling Macbooks. Yes, it's a really long sorority name, blame Matthew for it.

Joined a wonderful CCA. I love my Silat people to bits really I do. I found some form of acceptance in them I guess since most of them wear the hijab just like me and kindaf understand what I'm going through. But then again, my course varies from them. During Silat camp Syahida asked me how was FMS. My only answer was it's stressful. I think the pressure I face in FMS is different from what they face? I mean I'm in a school with so much open-mindedness and free reign it's pretty overwhelming at times. I love the fact that I'm not expected to be this conservative tudung girl with them.

It's different I guess in my CCA cause sometimes people don't get the fact that just because I'm in a hijab I'm going to conform to the stereotypical portrayal of a girl in, well, a hijab. I'm not a girl who's demure and sweet and quiet. I'm loud and proud. I love giving out hugs. I find nothing wrong in it. I cuss and swear till the cows come home when I'm mad. I wear the hijab but I don't sprout Islamic quotes every twenty seconds. That's not me. I realise that just because I wear hijab I don't need to change who I am to fit the stereotype of a hijab wearing person and I don't need to change my hijab to fit into the Mass Comm society. I'll be whoever the heck I wanna be and hope people will accept that.

I think last year I've grown up quite a bit. I've lost things but gained new ones. Lost friends, made friends, gained new experiences and a new perspective of life. And I'm really grateful for that.

From last year I've had new dreams, new places I wanna go. Dreaming of the people I wanna meet, things I wanna do. For that, I've created a bucket list. I think it's an important tool for me personally to keep my goals in view. So cheers to the upcoming year ahead. It's a whole new chapter ahead, a chapter I'm adamant to fill with wonderful memories, of risks taken, hell even hearts broken. It's a new year of exploration, a new year to find who I am. A new year to change, to be better person. A new year to love, hurt, cry, scream and laugh. A new year to appreciate things more. A new year to take things slow and savour every moment. And a new year to just be who I am and try my darnest not to be someone I'm not and never will be.

So here's to 2012, may it be a good year ahead. So thank you Allah for giving me another year, day, minute, second on this planet and may my journey this year be wonderful and easy. InsyaAllah.

Okay so I'm due for a long blog post ahead. I don't know whether I should do like a whole year reflection by month Kindaf post or just sum up the whole of last year.

Wow, last year. That sounds odd even to my own ears. Can't believe a whole year has passed and it's already the year of the supposed apocalypse.

Anyway, away from all the end-of-the-world references I've got to say 2011 has been such a good year. Usually around this time I'm trying to finish off last minute homeworks or something. When I say or something I meant screwing it and hoping the teachers forgot about it. Or even wondering who I'm gonna sit with during recess or if like any more friendships will change this year. Well the start of 2011 was extremely different. For one, I wasn't going to school anymore! (Wow I make myself sound like I dropped out of school or something) I didn't btw, drop out of school I mean. I just... graduated. Yeah graduating from Temasek. It was, bittersweet to put it simply. Never really thought I would leave that place to be honest.

Got my results and I think-by my standards- I screwed it up bigtime. But I'm thankful enough to be able to get accepted into a course that I thought I was destined for. So it was goodbye Temasek Sec and hello Ngee Ann Poly!

I think this year I got a newfound acceptance of wearing the hijab. True I've been wearing it since I was a kid but it's never really been a "full-time" thing. I mean I wear when I go out, to madras and so on but in school I don't wear the hijab so it was quite a transition from wearing it for like only 10 hours a week to almost 10 hours a day. It wasn't awkward but to wear a hijab in an environment where no one else does it was pretty scary.

First ever poly experience was FOC: Freshman Orientaion Camp. Not knowing anyone (other than Jamie and Deborah) was scary and exhilarating. I'm glad during those 4 days I made a number of new friends, gained abit of trust and found somewhat of a family in NPSU. I swear I love the people there to bits. Being one of two kids there wearing the hijab I've got to say it's pretty awkward cause wearing a statement of religion like a hijab kindaf makes me stand out like a sore thumb. But Alhamdulillah I was accepted quite easily.

Second poly experience: FMS' FBC- Freshman Bonding Camp. Again, I was the only one in hijab and holy hell it scared me good. I just kept asking myself what if I'm forever gonna be the only one in hijab in this course, or even in the whole FMS Faculty? Made a few 'friends' but none of them really stuck you know? But it's alright for me.

When school started, it was wonderful albeit a wee bit awkward cause I didn't know anyone except from those from Temasek and the people I met through camps and such. To be honest it was pretty awkward with my classmates since I didn't really know anyone except for pinoy I mean Nat. Still remember the first lunch I had with Anna, Marie, Mel, Pearl and Venus. It was like on the day of Justin Bieber's concert and nat's birthday or something like that. Had such a wonderful time with them.

When lectures started it was pretty scary but overall I think it was a good semester. I thank God everyday for putting me in a class with such wonderful people and giving me The Sisterhood who I love to death. And even The Brotherhood of Those Ostracized by The Sisterhood of Travelling Macbooks. Yes, it's a really long sorority name, blame Matthew for it.

Joined a wonderful CCA. I love my Silat people to bits really I do. I found some form of acceptance in them I guess since most of them wear the hijab just like me and kindaf understand what I'm going through. But then again, my course varies from them. During Silat camp Syahida asked me how was FMS. My only answer was it's stressful. I think the pressure I face in FMS is different from what they face? I mean I'm in a school with so much open-mindedness and free reign it's pretty overwhelming at times. I love the fact that I'm not expected to be this conservative tudung girl with them.

It's different I guess in my CCA cause sometimes people don't get the fact that just because I'm in a hijab I'm going to conform to the stereotypical portrayal of a girl in, well, a hijab. I'm not a girl who's demure and sweet and quiet. I'm loud and proud. I love giving out hugs. I find nothing wrong in it. I cuss and swear till the cows come home when I'm mad. I wear the hijab but I don't sprout Islamic quotes every twenty seconds. That's not me. I realise that just because I wear hijab I don't need to change who I am to fit the stereotype of a hijab wearing person and I don't need to change my hijab to fit into the Mass Comm society. I'll be whoever the heck I wanna be and hope people will accept that.

I think last year I've grown up quite a bit. I've lost things but gained new ones. Lost friends, made friends, gained new experiences and a new perspective of life. And I'm really grateful for that.

From last year I've had new dreams, new places I wanna go. Dreaming of the people I wanna meet, things I wanna do. For that, I've created a bucket list. I think it's an important tool for me personally to keep my goals in view. So cheers to the upcoming year ahead. It's a whole new chapter ahead, a chapter I'm adamant to fill with wonderful memories, of risks taken, hell even hearts broken. It's a new year of exploration, a new year to find who I am. A new year to change, to be better person. A new year to love, hurt, cry, scream and laugh. A new year to appreciate things more. A new year to take things slow and savour every moment. And a new year to just be who I am and try my darnest not to be someone I'm not and never will be.

So here's to 2012, may it be a good year ahead. So thank you Allah for giving me another year, day, minute, second on this planet and may my journey this year be wonderful and easy. InsyaAllah.